Planning for Pleasure
Just as children play with complete immersion and presence, mindful before the word mindful ever existed, as adults we can use fantasy and desire to evoke our imagination for all that is pleasurable in life. We often forget that SEX is one of our greatest natural pleasures. It provides the same feeling of exploration and fun that being playful as children provided. During peak sexual experiences, when we become free and let go of all of our inhibitions, this pleasure has the effect of creating more fulfilling, vivid, robust and creative self-expression!
I have studied sexuality extensively and my graduate thesis was focused on sexuality and play. In the sexual research I examined, all agree that regular sex can improve our heart health, build a more robust immune system, and even ward off pain through the experiences of pleasure. Sex actually alters our mental state and helps with anxiety, depression and stress. Peak sexual experiences that also use our deep sexual fantasies help us resolve conflict and can even be transcendent in nature.
In our oftentimes Puritanical culture, discussing sex and pursuing sexuality through open and unfiltered conversation is taboo. We have made sex complicated and even immoral, particularly our fantasies, labeling those who love sex as ‘sluts’ or ‘players’. We often lose sight and feel of the positive – even healing – impact that sexuality can have on our lives.
When we stop seeking out the deep pleasure that sex can bring and deny our fantasies and imaginations, sexual difficulty often ensues. If your sex has become routine, or you think about your to-do list, or something else, during sex, there is a huge disconnect between your mind and your body. This lack of presence detracts from the enormous depth of connection between two people who are present to the pleasure they are bringing to one another. At times, this even numbs our ability to perform or to orgasm, but most certainly it minimizes the incredible pleasurable feeling that sex offers – releasing endorphin and energizing our bodies - but only if we mindful to it!
We spend so much time planning our week for productivity, and very little planning for pleasure.
Here are just a few ways to increase your pleasure ‘muscle’ for yourself and in your sexual experiences:
- Awaken your senses by truly noticing and relishing (SLOWLY) tastes and smells and explore those with your partner
- Wear sexy lingerie under your work clothes
- Create a candle lit sensual atmosphere with music, and textures, and smells you love
- Self-pleasure (masturbation) – check out OM’ing if you have never explored NEW ways to pleasure yourself. Toys can be a great resource too.
- Allow the feeling of being a sensual being to arouse yourself in warming up toward sex, knowing that feeling your own turn-on is more important than a quick orgasm to get it over with!
- Increase your practice at being mindful of your body sensations so you can breathe into your sexual chakras and sex organs while you have sex.
Yours in passion & presence,
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